A Dream Like Mine

Sometimes, I think I’m afraid to fall asleep, because it has taken all day to get to the point where I don’t feel like crap, and there’s a very good chance that when I wake up in the morning, I’ll be starting all over from “crap” again.

A few minutes ago, it occurred to me that I could be going through a flare up of Crohn’s disease the past few days, and that would explain the extreme fatigue, depression, and of course, odd stomach pains.

Tomorrow I get to see my regular doctor, as well as see somebody about changing antidepressants. I’ll get lots of wonderful blood test results. I don’t expect anything revealing to show up that would alter my treatment plan, other than maybe increasing the dose of Metformin to help with my blood sugar levels.

If I can’t have a magic pill to make everything better, I’d at least like to have a good, clear reason for while I feel like I do so often. 

But what I’d really like is just to feel well enough when I wake up most mornings, that going to bed doesn’t feel like defeat.