Doesn’t understand your mental state, they say things like “things change, go with the flow” or “you know how selfish that is, right?” and they sound EXACTLY like that awful pressing voice in your head telling you you’re stupid, you’re ridiculous, you need to just chill out and stop stop stop, that voice that believes you can think away emotions, berate away emotions that you so desperately don’t want to feel, what do you say to people who mean well but clearly don’t have a clue?
A. Try to explain what’s going on with you and why what they said doesn’t help and makes things worse
B. let it go. They’ll never get it.
Theses sorts of reactions make me want to hole up, shut up, keep it all in, and never let it out. I wanna know how to react in the best way possible. Because lets be real, not everyone gets it.
I think it’s important to say something. You might save someone else—or even yourself—from hearing those words later on. And maybe that makes the difference for that someone between being barely able to cope and being crushed under the weight of their emotional burdens.
I don’t have “the” answer, but I think it’s important that you acknowledge where the person is coming from first, so that what you say next can actually get through to them. Something like, “I know you’re saying that to be supportive, and I appreciate that.” Then you can follow with a request for how you do want to be supported, like, “And, instead, what I really need at times like this is…”. Of course, what that thing that you need is probably wont be clear at that moment, otherwise you’d probably already be getting it…. I don’t know what to say about how to deal with that part.
I can tell you this: the most powerful and comforting reply I’ve ever gotten to me saying “I’m depressed” is someone saying “What can I do to support you?” I didn’t have an answer, but just having someone ask, without jumping to any conclusion about what I needed, was amazing.