A Dream Like Mine

Sleep whinging

Trying to sleep on a schedule like a normal human being.

Which I’ve certainly never been. And I doubt anyone else ever really has, either.

But trying.

THERE ARE CAFFEINATED DRINKS IN THE REFRIGERATOR AND I WANT ONE SOOOOOO BAD.

Instead, I must relax, strap on my CPAP mask and carpal tunnel splints, and try to stop thinking, “He’s more machine than man now….”

Last night was the first night I kept the mask on all night, so of course not one but two smoke detectors decide to start complaining about low batteries a good hour and a half before I had hoped I would be getting up.

Still, if the CPAP was doing any good, I’d have expected to feel better than I did upon waking. Well, keep trying, I guess. I’ll see the doc again soon enough.

idrvfast replied to your photo: New CPAP mask. I’m a baby elephant!

I’m totally calling you Babar from now on…

And…. now I have a name for the mask. :)

groverviolet replied to your photo: New CPAP mask. I’m a baby elephant!

Did you have to [go through] another sleep study to get that?

I didn’t have to, but I did do another sleep study, to check if the pressure was enough. I asked about nasal pillows while I was there, because more than one person I know uses them and has raved about them. They had some for me to try, and I used them the entire night. With the other mask, I wake up in the middle of the night, convinced it’s morning, take off the mask, and promptly go right back to sleep. 

I slept with the CPAP machine

I had to take it off partway through the night. That’s okay. I’ll get used to it.

I woke up several times. That’s okay. It was probably less than every three minutes, like it would be without it.

But I had a dream, kind of, sort of… and I am not kidding in the least about this: Oh, man, the colors!!! Anyone who says we never dream in color has never been in my head. And last night, it was like fireworks. Awesome!

I have a lot of sleep debt. There is no way to declare bankruptcy on that. I have a lot of catching up to do. And I didn’t use the machine all night. And I didn’t go to bed as early as I should have.

Despite all that, I do feel distinctly better that I have for at least the last three days. I do feel like I got at least some sleep. I am not completely exhausted from the moment I woke up. We’ll see how long my energy lasts today. And we’ll see how things go over the next couple of weeks. But this is, at least, a good start.

I’m hopeful.

The Results of My Sleep Study From Last Week

My sleep apnea index is 20.3. That means that 20.3 times per hour, my airway collapses enough that my brain has to wake it up and tell my muscles to do something about it.

Which means I have been getting zero REM sleep and zero slow wave sleep for who knows how long. Maybe years.

This would kind of explain why I am so tired. Why it takes a Starbucks Doubleshot, a Coke, 20mg of Adderall and a Vivarin to fully wake me up some days. Why I was exhausted and lethargic even when I was hyperthyroid, and should have been bouncing off the walls with energy.

I brought home a beautiful new CPAP machine today. If I have time before my son gets home, I’ll post a picture. It’s going to need a name, so if you have any good ideas, let me know. :)

I don’t want to get too excited yet, but it’s hard not to. So many times in the past year, I’ve been treated for something, hoping that this is going to be the thing that makes the big difference. So many times, I’ve been elated for a few days, only to resume the same fatigue. The sleep apnea would explain my tiredness. I really hope this gets my life back to some semblance of “normal”. But I’ve just got to wait and see.